Strengthening My Resolve

I may be almost two months late, but I wanted to speak to you all about my resolutions. I know some people find making resolutions to be silly because you never stick with them, etc. However I find them to be a great thing to motivate you to do better, and when the next year finally rolls around it's amazing to see how much you really did accomplish.
My resolutions this year were not your average resolutions. Obviously I'd like to get in better shape, and lose some pounds but that's not what I have resolved for myself. I want to better myself as a human being, and make sure that I'm becoming who I need to be.
I made three resolutions this year. They were very thought out, and it is my goal to live up to these resolutions this year.

1. Learn to let go of fear
Unlike Taylor Swift, I am not fearless. The more I go through, the more scared I become. I have gone through some really scary things lately which have made dating especially terrifying. Trying to cope with this has become a huge obstacle, but I don't want to let what's happened to me hold me back. I want to become an image of strength. I don't want to fear to control my life. If an opportunity comes up that scares me, rather than run and hide, I'm going to take it.
One of the things I have already done working toward this goal is get a promotion. The opportunity arose that I could potentially have a promotion at work. The downsides were that it was a supervisor position, and I had really qualified people going against me for the position. It also was a graveyard shift, and I wasn't sure how I was going to manage that. Remembering my resolution, and that I desperately wanted to move up in my company, I applied. After going through the whole application process, my manager sat me down and told me I had got the job. You wouldn't believe how surprised I was. In fact he asked: "You weren't expecting that were you?" I let go of fear and was able to accomplish something I had really been wanting to do, and so far it has been going great!

2. Focus on dating myself
This one may sound weird so let me explain. As I mentioned in the resolution above dating has become really scary to me. For a few months all I could think about was dating. I don't know if it was because my roommates and I had made it a topic of conversation so much that it just started to sound like a good idea. Or maybe it's because I have been single for a year and was starting to get tired of being lonely. Whatever the reason I really wanted to be in a relationship. So I threw myself in to the dating world, not really knowing what I was getting myself in to. At first it was just guys being dumb and blowing me off after a couple dates, or I just wasn't interested in them, but then it became something else entirely. When I finally did find myself in something of a relationship it turned out to be something I wasn't prepared for at all. I'm not ready or willing to talk about what happened on my blog yet with this, but let's just say it's taken a whole lot for me to overcome this, and there were a few points where I thought I wasn't going to be able to.
Because of this, I am only going to focus on dating myself. I'm going to learn how to be happy on my own. I'm going to treat myself kindly, and respectfully. I'm going to learn to love me for me. I feel like if I do these things I will come to a place of real self love and actualization. That way when the right guy does come around I'll know it, and I won't even let any of the losers in to my life, because I have way too much self respect to put myself through any more kinds of hurt.
This doesn't mean I am not going to date at all. If someone asks me on a date (and they aren't one of the losers I spoke of) then I will definitely go on a date. I'm just not going to make this a priority or real concern for me right now. I'm young, and I'm free, and I'm going to go after my dreams.

This brings me to my next and final resolution which is:

3: Not allowing toxic people to continue being in my life
I tend to be an incredibly forgiving person, almost to a fault. I have been wronged by many people in my life, but I am usually willing to forgive as soon as someone says sorry. I'm always willing to give people second chances. The problem is most of the time these are people who have really wronged me. People who, in most people's opinions, do not deserve second chances. I end up playing the "fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me" game. In the end I end up losing. I end up being hurt, and usually a lot worse than the time before. I am not going to allow this to continue happening. Especially since one of my resolutions involves having self love, and respect. If I love and respect myself, I am not going to allow people to bully and mistreat me. As soon as that starts happening that person will be cut off, even if they beg and plead, and even if I really want to forgive them. Obviously I'm going to use my conscience about making these decisions. If it's for simple things I'm still going to be ready and willing to forgive, because that's just in my nature. However, I cannot continue to let myself get put in to situations (like the one I mentioned above) that almost break me as a person.

Already I have been able to see a huge difference in my life with these resolutions that I have made. They have helped me to accomplish so much, and feel better about who I am and where I am going. I am going to continually work toward keeping these resolutions throughout the year, and throughout the rest of my life. I am excited to see where the new year will take me. 

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