12.22.2014

Moving on with life after heartache

When we go through difficult trials in life, it's easy to want to give up. It's easy to wallow in your own misery, and not better yourself. However, I firmly believe that in order to truly move on you need to make your life the best it can be. There are things in life you cannot change, but you have the power to take control of your own destiny, and make your life the best it can be.
As I was going through therapy the beginning of this year, my therapist helped me realize that I needed to start finding things to do for me. I needed to find the things that would make me happy. She had me list off some things I would like to do. One of the things at the very top of my list was finally going back to school. When I graduated high school I was very passionate about continuing my education. It was something I had such a strong desire to do. Obviously life lead me down a different path, and I went through different life lessons that I suppose I needed to learn. Circumstances did not permit me going back to school for a long time. Then after my divorce it was finally time for me to figure out where I wanted my life to go. All my life decisions were now mine, and mine alone. I was definitely scared to go back to school. It had been so long since I had actually gone and I didn't know what to expect. I kept putting it off, and then finally this summer at the very last minute I got a strong feeling that school was what I needed to do. The timing was inconvenient as to my decision. I only had two weeks to get everything taken care of, but I knew I had to do it. It was something I NEEDED to do. I somehow enrolled on time and was finally able to do the thing I'd been wanting to do since I graduated high school.
 

(I obviously had to get first day of school pics from my mom. Don't mind the backward C for college.)
I'm so thankful for the opportunity I had to go to school this semester. Of all the things I accomplished in 2014, this is one that I'm most proud of. It took a lot to finally get me here, but I did it.

Another step I took was moving out. I have moved out in the past, that was nothing new. I obviously have lived on my own for quite some time. However, I have never moved on a whim to a random apartment with people I had never met before. This was something completely out of my comfort zone, and terrifying, but I felt strongly that I should do it. So as I embarked on my adventure to school, I also did what most people my age would do and moved. 
I was really worried that this experience was going to be terrible, but it was the complete opposite. I met some amazing girls, who have become more like sisters to me. I don't know how I got so lucky, but I am so glad I did. I really don't know what I would do without them. They have helped me through so much, and I am so incredibly grateful to them. 

I have attempted and done and been through countless things this year, on my way to finding myself. I have recently had incredibly painful bumps in the road, and although it can be very hard to see past them there is something waiting on the other side. I have to believe that. Do the things that make you happy, and do it for YOU. Sometimes it's ok to be selfish to take care of your happiness. 
2015 is the year that I am going to work on overcoming fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of the past, fear of the present, fear of not being good enough, etc. I will no longer allow fear to control my life, and where it takes me. This year I will be fearless.

2 comments:

Tedi J said...

Ash, you are easily one of the strongest and sweetest girls ive ever met! ive loved you since day one and ive loved you for the last 22 years ive known you! i look up to you more than you will ever know, i love everything about you, your attitude about this situation, your outlook on life in general and always finding the goo sin every situation and i really hope that after 22 years you have rubbed off on me at least a little haha! youre the best! just thought id let you know!

Chantel Stucki said...

You are so gorgeous! Wow to kick life in the butt and enroll in college at the beginning of this year. And um, your outfit in your college post is BANGIN! Love your style!