1.11.2011

day numero dos

Your first love. I wish not to delve deeply into this topic, but it is quite the story, so here it goes.

I didn't like him at first. Really I didn't. I had no interest whatsoever in pursuing this boy. There wasn't anything wrong with him really, I just didn't find him my type, but I did want him to be my friend. He had a fun personality and was a joy to be around. I started inviting him to all of our friendly gatherings, and slowly I started to fall. At first I wouldn't admit it. Even after he told me he liked me. I had become close to him, but as a friend. The idea of anything more startled me. So I let it slide. Pushed back what I was feeling deep inside of me.
Months passed, and the feelings grew stronger, whether I was willing to admit it or not. Then one day I snapped. I met his family and fell in love with them. As I grew cozy just playing card games in their home, he and I had an accidental touch of the hand, and everything changed. The feelings I had kept deep down inside of me burst through the cracks, and I realized that I really did love him.
This was all very strange to me. I had, had other boyfriends before, but this time it was different. The feeling was different. I knew that this time this was real love. At least it was for me.
I was so smitten over this boy that I failed to realize I was the only one in the relationship putting forth any effort. I was the only one who felt love. Even when I had a feeling to break it off I ignored it. Which was to my demise.
After admitting my true feelings of love to him, he shyed away. Scared of the idea of love, he broke it off. & I was heart broken. Zombie-like. Since then I've learned. I've learned that when it comes to matters of the heart you need to be careful. There is no point in being in a relationship if the opposite doesn't feel the same about you. Because of this boy I built many walls around my heart, and only one boy has been able to completely conquer them.
He may have been  my first love, but I believe that as I grew up throughout the years, I learned to save my heart for something bigger, something better, and I know now that I have found it.
& I haven't ever felt more love, or in love, than I do now.
(sorry for being such a sappy romantic recently, but I honestly can't help it)

4 comments:

-Kait- said...

I can't even express how much I love your line "I learned to save my heart for something bigger, something better."
beautiful.
you should listen to the song "save your heart" by mayday parade. I think you would enjoy it.

beka said...

good love story ash! i'm glad now you are happy,in love :) i hope i can find a guy like you have who brings down the walls. also, i LOVE the new layout!

Oran Arnaud Marc-Henri said...

Definitely "bigger" lol

Rachey Smart said...

K, you and your man are adorable! You make such a cute couple. I am so excited to read the following days!