This week, has been a very hard one. I almost can't find the words to describe it really. Hence, my lack of wording. I don't want to be a complainer. No, that is not why I recieved this trial that I am about to face head on. I recieved it because I'm strong enough to handle it. At least thats the way I would like to think it. In a way, I should look at it as a compliment from God. He knows me, He knows what I can handle, and He knows I can handle this.
I recieved a blood test last friday and awaited the results anxiously. By monday I was fretting because the doctor hadn't called. I needed to know what the results were. I had to. There is no way that my body was feeling this way for no reason. I needed an answer.
The answer came Wednesday. While sitting in my friends kitchen during lunch I had the sudden urge to phone my mother and see if the test results came in.
"Hey sweetie how you doing?" There was sympathy in her voice, and I noticed it straight away.
"Did the test results come back?" I asked quizzically, but I already knew the answer.
"Yes." she said. That was it. They found out something, which is why my mom was lacking detail in her response.
"Well?" I pressed. Just tell me.
"They're 90% positive you have Celiac Disease. There was a test that you were supposed to place 1- 3 and you placed 18. Such a high number gives them every reason to believe you have it."
Celiac Disease. Ah, a disease I know well. My Grammy has it. I have watched her suffer with it her whole life. It's a disease I would never wish anyone to have, never wish myself to have.
If you are unaware what this disease is, let me enlighten you. This means I am allergic to gluten. Which is found in any wheat or flower. Since you and I eat gluten on a regular basis, those of us who have Celiac Disease start to become very ill. Stomach pains, nausea, fatigue, sickness, just all around bad. It destroys are intestines and in the long run can be very bad, unless you stop eating it.
This means all those delicious foods you most likely devour, I cannot. All my favorite meals, shot. My quality of life, shot.
Tears rolled down my face. No not in front of my friends I begged myself. My mom started trying to encourage me on the other line.
"You can still eat these foods," she began and started to list various items.
"Were not going to focus on the bad were going to focus on what you can eat instead of what you can't."
I tried to compose myself. My voice was shaking, I needed time to think.
"We'll talk about it when I get home I said." I was trying to make my voice sound as nonchalant as possible.
When I got off the phone I stared up at my friends who were eating bread. It didn't help. They tried to encourage me. I tried to encourage myself.
That day ended in an emotional wreck. But I have come to a realization that I think could help me through this every time I feel down. It could be so much worse, and I'm just lucky it isn't. Everyone has their trials to go through, this is mine, and I have decided that I'm going to face it with my chin up and be prepared for whatever it throws at me.
There are so many things in my life that I have to be happy about. So many blessings, and I won't let them go unacknowledged. God will know I love Him for sending me this trial, because it only makes me stronger, and helps better prepare me to face the world.
I go in for an Endoscopy to confirm the diagnosis within the next month. So wish me luck everyone, or as Brian Reagon says "Take luck!"
(although I don't need it, I have God on my side.)
Until next time
-Ash
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