Today I am feeling incredibly blessed for my life. There was a time where I was so ungrateful, so hateful, and depressed. I am no longer that girl. I can see the work of God's hands in my life, despite my flaws, and the downward slope I was on, He still blessed me and continues to bless me. I can't express the amount of love I feel and have toward my Heavenly Father for pulling me through, and helping to make me a stronger woman, even when I'm still struggling.
For a time after I got divorced, I had a really hard time making it to church, or just wanting to go in general. It wasn't that I didn't beleive in the gospel, or in my Heavenly Father or Savior; it was for the sole purpose I did not feel good enough. Satan has that way of working in our lives. He put it into my mind that I was being judged for my decision to get divorced, that I was wrong, and that everyone was looking down on me. None of this was true but that's what I was feeling. It was so hard to go to Sunday school and hear about getting married and having eternal families, and how it's the most important thing you can do. Someone kept sending me church articles about marriage and divorce, which definitely worstened matters. My heart was shattered, and slowly I started retreating more and more into my shell.
When you give up on yourself, you kind of give up on everything else around you as well. I gave up trying to feel the spirit, on praying, on reading my scriptures, on caring in general. It was such a downward deppressive spiral, looking back now I'm suprised I really made it out, but I know that it is because of my Heavenly Father I did. That, and my supportive family and friends.
Sometimes it is still hard, I was so far off for such a while it's kinda hard to come back to where you used to be, but slowly and surely I'm getting there. There really isn't anything better than feeling the spirit in your life. It can carry you through any trial or pain you are going through.
My best advice I can give is don't lose faith, and don't give up hope. You are so loved and so needed. If you look around you can see the blessings in your life all around you, even when the world seems so dark.

1 comment:

daisykaye said...

I love you sweetie.. you are such an example of strength...