It's funny how in one day, a smile can fade to a frown, a laugh can change to tears. It happens without any explanation, no pre warning, it's just thrown at you with a significant amount of force and you haven't even had time to brace yourself for the blow.
As of nine o clock pm yesterday, my life became an emotional nightmare. My best friend and uncle was set apart as a missionary. Now let me explain. I am super happy, and proud of him. He is going to do great and amazing things, and i can't wait for him to get out there. But that doesn't make it any less difficult letting someone you really care about go, for an extended period of time. Johnny has always always been there for me. He gives me the best hugs when im having the worst days; I'm really gonna miss that. He always makes me laugh, and in my life i need laughter. Him leaving hit me really hard yesterday when he was getting set apart and i broke down into a fit of hysterical tears. I didn't mean to... It just happened. I'm not one to cry in front of people... I really despise it. It's one of my biggest pet peaves. Unfortunately yesterday, my rule was broken. Many people saw me. How horrible it was....
This morning I recieved news of something else to add on to my emotional crisis. My grandpa is dying. Losing his pancreas because he can't stop his filthy habit of drinking.
... drinking. How stupid. How reckless! I have a very strong hatred toward alcohol. If I could i would destroy it all! I HATE the stuff. It destroys lives! Anyone who says its fun or gives you freedom, take a good hard look at my grandpa who has wasted his entire life with this disgusting substance. I've rarely ever seen him sober in my life. I don't have any "best" memories with my grandfather. My grandpa is in no way free. He is a slave to the alcohol. His whole life all he has done is work and drink. Recently he lost his job, so now his life is alcohol. He isn't there for his family, he isn't there for his friends, he lives for alcohol. Do you see the fun in this? Do you see the fun in having absolutely no life? His sole purpose is existance. Thats it. He does nothing else, now he's dying. What a life he has led...
I wouldn't wish this fate on anyone. Especially my grandfather. He's made mistakes, he's made many mistakes, but i still love him. It kills me to hear this is the way it has to be. So please anyone who is reading this, take it as a lesson. Don't drink! It brings no happiness, only pain. Not only to you, but those around you. STAY AWAY FROM IT!
So, needless to say i've been a fit of tears for the course of this day. I won't lie it has not been one of my best days... at all. It's just one of those days where i really need a hug. I really need some love....
ash
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