Ashlees knight in shining armor- Still in training

A topic keeps popping into my head that I have decided cannot be avoided any longer. Relationships. Oh, the word. It can mean so many things to many different people. To some people the thought of them gives them an awkward sensations of butterflies in their stomach that make them fly around the room in a giddy circle. Others it puts a nashing hole into their heart from previous bad experience, and then there are those who could care less about them. For the most part I  have attempted to be the last option on my list. I mean, for me they have all just ended badly. Sometimes it makes me feel sad to look back on them even though i absolutely do not have the same feelings I did back then. It's the rememberance of that awful pain a broken heart causes you. But I have to admit in a way I have been longing for one. It's human nature after all. To want to be held, and be told how beautiful you are everyday (even if you necissarily don't believe it) i want to wake up to texts that make me smile from that boy who makes me blush. i want to hold hands and walk around temple square. I want to make goofy handshakes and have inside jokes we only know about. I want that perfect kiss. (Yes, I want a kiss. Shocker eh? I mean a perfect rare one. Not everyone elses version of kissing) I want someone to tease who drives me around and sings me songs that remind them of me.
As great as that all sounds though, is it worth it? I am after all seventeen years old. I don't know if anything i get into will even be worth the pain i almost am certain will come after. I don't handle losing people well at all. I'm a tad mystified at this complex. I have no idea what will happen but I guess I can patiently wait for my knight in shining armor. After all he's still in training, which is why I haven't met him yet :)

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