I've realized looking over recent posts that I have been the vaguest blogger on earth. Which is probably why no one reads this here blog anymore. I got in a really depressed and emotional rut for a little while. I hated my job, and I was there every single day. It seriously was tearing me apart emotionally. I will be the first to admit adjusting to married life was not in any way, shape, or form, easy for me. Newly married couples may trick you, and make it seem like it is the absolute most blissful and happy thing on earth, always. That's not true. At least it wasn't for me. I thought if I said anything otherwise everyone would think that I had fallen straight in to an unhappy marriage, which is also untrue. I am so in love with the man that I am married to, and so thankful for God bringing us together. God knew what I needed in my life, and I didn't. I believe the reason it was so hard for me to adjust is because I had such different plans for myself. I was not one of those girls looking hard for a returned missionary so I could be swept off my feet and married at a young age. My plan was going to Boston, and doing my own thing out there; getting life experience. I was going to go college, get my degree, go on a mission, and then after finding a set job in my career, I would think about getting married. Obviously none of that happened. I was the ripe age of 18, in a CNA class unsuspecting the right guy to magically appear, and just a short 4 months later propose to me. I was in no way ready; at least I didn't think I was. God knew I was ready, God knew what was best for me, and for the first little bit of marriage I started to resent that a bit, and question whether that was what I was supposed to do at this time in life. I knew Oran and I were supposed to be together, but I questioned whether now was the best time. Silly I know.
It was my first time being away from my family. I rarely saw my friends, which was probably the hardest thing for me. I'm not entirely sure why, but I felt I was missing out on my teenage years, not being with friends. I felt that since I wasn't going to college, living with my best friends, and being in the social scene, that my teenage years were being wasted away. It was depressing coming home and feeling alone until my husband got home later at night.
He was worried about me, and I was worried about myself. I would argue with him a lot because I was in such a rut that's the only thing I could think to do. I refused to see what had been laid out in front of me, what a beautiful life God had blessed me with.
I'm ashamed of it, I really am, but I have learned so much in just the short 4 months I've been married to my amazing husband. He has taught me true love. Regardless of me feeling sorry for myself all the time, and being a complete downer, he was always there for me, always by my side. Not a lot of men will do this, and I'm so grateful for the wonderful husband I have, and all he does for me. I know that my Father in Heaven wanted this life for me; knew it was the best choice; the right decision.
I felt that I was missing out on life experiences, but here I am having my own beautiful life experiences, and growing up every day.
I was upset I wasn't moving out with my friends, yet I was living with my best friend in the whole world.
I was home sick having never been away from my family before, yet they lived ten minutes away, instead of the original plan we had living in Salt Lake.
I hated my job, but really I was so blessed to even have a job in the first place.
I never saw my friends, but all I really had to do was make a phone call.
Life is all about perspective ladies, and gents, and I wish I would have opened my eyes sooner to see the many blessing laid out before me, but I'm glad I finally was able to put my faith in God and open my eyes. Because I did that he has blessed me even more greatly than before. I have a new job that I love, see a healthy balance of friends, family, and husband. Oran and I are so happy and love each other more than any two people could possibly love.
I see a beautiful life ahead of me, and I'm so excited for the future that is my own.