10.06.2010

I'm going to try

It used to make me sad not many people read my blog. I've always loved writing, and I've always been told I was good at it. Yet this blogging thing sort of made me feel like I was a failure because I wouldn't get comments, or as many page views as others. It really got to me. I tend to do this a lot. With just about everything I do. Why is it that I fail at everything? I think to myself. Even the things I love, I'm apparently not good at. A lot of times I find myself doing this; getting down on myself; thinking negitively. I am my worst enemy at times. I gather myself up just to throw myself back down. It became a habit of telling myself I'm not good enough, and that I can't do anything right. I know now that isn't true. I know that no matter what God is there for me, and that He is telling me I am good enough. I can do whatever I set my mind to. So let me just say, this blog really isn't for the few people who read it (although I do love you guys) it's really for me. It's a way of me saying how I feel, and in a way letting the world hear it. It helps me gather my mind, collect my thoughts if you will.
As I said earlier, today I listened to only conference talks. Not only that, but as I was flipping through channels on the television I found the Best Two Years playing on the TV. I became giddy and started watching it. I honestly hope that I will be able to go on a mission one day. My favorite thing in this world is feeling the spirit. I bet I would feel it almost everyday on my mission. But if life doesn't take me on a mission when I am 21, I know my husband I will serve one eventually one day.
I'm sorry to those of you who read my blog and are maybe offended, that I speak so freely about my religion, but I love this gospel. I know that it's true, and I wouldn't want to have a life without it. Knowing that God is there for me, and that he cares for me makes all the difference in the world. Even when I am down, and I feel like I am all alone, I know my Father In Heaven is there, and that He loves me, and wants what's best for me. He won't leave me comfortless, and He doesn't when I turn to Him. I don't understand why at the times when I am the most upset I tend to turn away from Him. It's like I'd rather feel sorry for myself than feel the love and comfort I would get if I just turned to my Father in Heaven. I'm really going to work on that, because when I finally turn to God, the comfort is overwhelming.
I am going to try to be a better person. I want to work on bettering myself everyday. I want to be worthy to be called A Daughter Of God. To be His daughter. I want the whole world to look at me and see kindness, and happiness. I'm really going to work toward doing this. Every. Single. Day.
And so to all who read, I love you and thank you for reading my thoughts, and feelings. It does give me piece of mind a little bit that somebody hears what I have to say.

4 comments:

beka said...

Ash! I love reading your blog! You ARE a good person! I love your example and how kind you are to everyone! Keep doing what you're doing!

Rachey Smart said...

Ash, you truly are a great example. I LOVE how open you are about your beliefs and how willing you are to stick up for your religion! And what a great religion it is! :D Im glad you have a blog for you, but Im also glad you have it for your readers too! I can always learn something from you. Thanks:D

Oran Arnaud Marc-Henri said...

Daggum girl, I think I've gotta be a little more quiet in class from now on... You are a friggin deep girl, with a crazy awesome soul. Just reading your blog I feel the spirit! It makes me happy that you are so happy with the gospel. I can tell you right now that you are worthy to be called "A Daughter of God" don't ever doubt that! The Best Two Years helped me to be excited about a mission! I love that movie! And I'm pretty sure that you are great at a bunch of things you do! You are good at being humble, and at being an advocate for the church, and at being a CNA! Be happy and smile! I'm gonna let you talk more, just so you know. Hahaha

Batash said...

You all are so great thanks for the comments:) And Oran, you didn't let me talk too much. What's up with that? Haha no, thanks for the comment, it made my day.